Being In a Complicated Relationship... with Books

Back in elementary school, my mom decided that as a part of my homework/study after-school routine, I would be expected to read for 30 minutes everyday. As you can guess, I didn't enjoy this on days that I wanted to be outside playing with my friends but this mom-required reading conditioned me to genuinely enjoy reading books (I know, crazy). On days where I was grounded and sent to my room, I would find myself reading entire books while the afternoon flew by without me even noticing.

My love of reading followed me into middle school even though the mom-required reading didn't. In high school when I began seeing more and more assignments that required me to read novels, my motivation to read for fun dwindled. Something about being forced to read certain books took all of the joy out of reading for me even though they were books I most likely would've read with fevor if I had chosen them myself, or with the help of my high school librarian who knew my preferred genre and was someone I enjoyed talking to about reading, or really just anything.

Now, being in college, my desire to read is higher than ever, as I miss the relationship I had with books at a younger age but my motivation to actually pick up a book and read is nearly nonexistent. Being a gender studies major, I am expected to read nearly 50 pages a night for my courses and while the journals do tend to be interesting, the last thing I want to do after reading a dense, scholarly article is pick up a fun reading. Not only has college changed my relationship even further with reading for fun but also my interest in the topics I study. After doing all of my course required reading, I rarely find myself seeking more information on gender studies related topics ultimately because that, most often, would require more reading. Keeping up with the news is a drag when I've got a lot of reading to do for my courses.

me in high school reading in the book display

As a soon-to-be senior in college, I've been looking back on the way my relationship with reading has shifted and it makes me sad. I'm constantly reading books (or trying) but it takes me much longer than it did when I was younger and I find that making myself read is almost just as difficult as making myself do my homework (which is often an agonizing process). I guess what I want to say is that forced reading by the education system can really kill students genuine motivation to read and the joy that comes from, and I don't think it's because of the reading itself, I think it has more to do with the fact that the reading material is typically teacher chosen.